Anxiety

I’m not feeling ok
And I feel so alone
The most painful part
Is knowing I’m not alone
In more than one way
I’m surrounded by people
Who love me dearly
I think, I’m pretty sure
Most days anyway
Except these days
The ones like today
When I’m sleep deprived
Exhausted to dizziness
Pain levels at an 8
For three days straight
Eyes aching tired from staring
At numbers and letters
On blue light screens
Praying everyday that the ball
I drop will not be important
In an unfixable way
Because balls are dropping
From my overfilled arms
And my fingers are cramping
From the keyboard strokes
And my dreams are math
And algorithms calculating taxes
The tax on my soul and body
For the means to provide
Support and nourishment
For the people I love
Whose needs are my Mission
My reason for existence
To give as much as I can to
As many as I can for as
Long as I can until my last
Breathe leaves my body
My heart is aching knowing
I am not alone also in
That I am not the only one
Who feels this way, everyday
We all struggle with our own
Private pains and sufferings
Trying to smile our way to
Self convincing, or at least
Convincing enough for those
Who see us daily in our
Efforts to Live, to exist and
Be Human in a world so hard
For humans, made unnecessarily
More difficult for humans, by humans
Who live their lives uncaringly
Destroying others and the reality
Of co-creation we all depend
Upon for survival, for nourishment
My body aches, my spirits cries
Heart weeps in daily surprise
That with a Screaming voice
Within my head that wails
Constantly in her grief and agony
There is Still LOVE and HOPE
Singing within me, a song
Carrying me through each hour
Of each day, trying to Sing louder
Than the screams.

~ Aurora Victoria WindDancer
© April 16, 2019

#poetry #struggling #lifeshard #compassion #radicalacceptance #selflove #mentalhealth