Unable to Unpack

1. Foster kids don’t unpack
2. Not ever
3. Not even in their 40’s
4. When they’re paying rent
5. In a house for five years
6. They live their lives out of boxes
7. Totes and bags
8. Never putting pictures
9. On the walls
10. Or putting down roots
11. Because no place is ever “Home”
12. And nothing is ever permanent
13. They move from place to place
14. Like they did as children
15. Unable to settle in
16. Feeling secure
17. Is such an alien concept
18. They know the next forced move
19. Is just around the corner
20. The undropped shoe
21. On their temporary happiness
22. That will uproot them again
23. When they least expect it

1. Foster kids don’t get attached
2. To material things
3. That can be taken from them
4. Forced to leave behind
5. What they briefly came to cherish
6. Who they briefly trusted
7. A series of losses and betrayals
8. The framework of their memories
9. Leading them to hold on
10. To whatever they can
11. While simultaneously able
12. To walk away from it all
13. At a moment’s notice
14. One pair of shoes
15. Hand-me-downs and too tight
16. One change of clothes
17. Thrift store finds
18. What can be stuffed into a backpack
19. No stuffies though
20. Teddybears are dangerous
21. Attachments are vulnerable
22. Spines must be steel
23. And skins must be thick

1. Foster kids lose everything
2. More than once
3. Over and over again
4. Until they Learn not to give a shit
5. About any Thing
6. Not to get comfortable anywhere
7. Because comfortable is weak
8. Trust is vulnerable
9. Hard to earn
10. Easy to break
11. Impossible to regain once lost
12. Experienced duality
13. Of being simultaneously poor
14. While also the source of income
15. For “parents” who often
16. Don’t actually care about the children
17. Placed in their care
18. Six traumatized girls
19. All shoved in one bedroom
20. Each wondering if the next knock
21. On the door will be their caseworker
22. To move them out
23. Or another kid moving in

1. Foster kids grow up
2. But they never forget
3. That their families were so broken
4. Their homes so dangerous
5. That somehow being bounced
6. From foster home to foster home
7. School to school
8. Was somehow still better
9. Than the parents they were born to
10. Foster kids are rarely chosen
11. By anyone
12. Rarely adopted, wanted or loved
13. So when we grow up
14. And we Choose our Family
15. That is Sacred to us
16. When we Choose to love
17. Our loved ones are precious
18. When they love us back
19. It takes years to believe them
20. When we lose our Family
21. It is devastating
22. Nothing is more important than “Home”
23. To those who grew up without one

1. Foster kids don’t unpack
2. Our memories stay tied up in boxes
3. Inside our heads
4. In the storage room
5. In the backpack
6. In the filing cabinet
7. Inside our minds
8. Where the notes of lived trauma
9. Can be read like a newspaper
10. Stories that happened
11. To someone else
12. Detachment is our saving grace
13. Dissociation our salvation
14. Swiss cheese memories
15. Years missing contexts
16. Security question triggers
17. On every website log-in
18. Don’t ask me about my childhood
19. You don’t want to know
20. I don’t want to remember
21. Let it stay in the dusty attic
22. Where the forgotten broken things
23. Are left unpacked

~ aurora winddancer
April 23, 2021

Published by

Aurora Victoria WindDancer

Poet, Priestess, Songwriter, Singer, Mother, Mystic, Magician, Music Maker, Tantric, Teacher, Student, Aspiring Author, Playwright-In-The-Making, Ritualist, Thespian, and writer of esoteric musings about Life, Love, The Universe, and why people do the strange things we do.

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