Single & Grateful

Seven months ago, I officially chose and embraced staying single permanently and giving up on dating and cis-het men in general. I had already decided at the start of my last dating experience last winter, that if it was a trainwreck and he turned out to be awful, that was it. Trigger law in effect, quota of terrible awful dating experiences met for this lifetime. Done.

I’ve been generally happier for it, my life has been more peaceful, and my stress and anxiety in life is only about work now, no longer riding the cortisol/depression rollercoaster of trying to find a decent cis-het guy to have a romantic relationship with. I felt in my body the moment my hormones shifted and I didn’t even Want that anymore a couple of months later. Yay peri-menopause for the blissful relief.

But every once in a while that old addiction gets triggered by something, some cute couple being all sweet to each other, some sappy movie or book, some love song on the radio and I’ll feel that craving flare up. Love is my drug. But… I found the cure!!

Whenever any part of me, body, mind, or heart has a twinge of desire to even think about considering trying dating again – I run a social experiment that cures that desire in less than two hours. Works Every Time!

I find some comment thread on social media where I post a fairly innocuous little comment that’s slightly feminist or supportive of women…. And then I wait and watch as literally Hundreds of cis-het men dog pile onto that comment with awful, abusive, insulting, hateful, misogynistic, sometimes violent and even threatening responses. When it gets to around 200 or 300 comments I note the time, skim through to see how bad they got, and verify that they are all really different guys, not just one or two crazy guys commenting multiple times.

And then I breathe, I take in that reminder that This is what the majority of single cis-het men are like, because this is what happens Every time. And not just to me, but to all women, every day. And then I delete my original comment after blocking the worst ones so they can’t stalk me.

And my craving is cured again for at least a few months.

Interesting part of this social experiment I’ve done three times this year – there’s always at least 2 or 3 sweet gay men being supportive and calling out the Chads for their awfulness. And there’s always lots of other women, of various orientations also being kind and supportive.

When cis-het men say they don’t understand women or what women want – it’s mind-blowing to me. Women want very simple basic things. To be loved, respected, valued, and to be safe in the relationship. To not be abused.

That’s it. The bar is literally on the floor.

But for reasons I will never understand a huge percentage of men seem to really enjoy hating and abusing women. And that’s one of the saddest things about being human.

The results of the experiment today were bad enough I probably won’t need to do it again for at least 4 to 6 months.

On a positive note, science has proven that single women live longer, healthier and happier lives. Just need a good friend or two, a hobby or two, a pet and some good books. Maybe a passport and money to travel. 🙂

Here’s to a healthier, happier, longer life for me and my single sisters! 💖💖