Trapeze

My life feels like a circus sometimes
So many feats of impossible acts
Happening simultaneously
In every direction you look
I am surrounded by them
Each one more edge of the sword
Dangerous and uncertain of success
Than seems possible to comprehend
I watch them all around me
From the still center where I breathe
Standing in the air, on a tiny platform
High above the chaos on the ground
In the midst of the soaring performers
Flying through the air, grasping at straws
Trusting that the connection will be made
In the nick of time that will stop their fall
From taking over their flight
I breathe in that center and understand
That each performer is an aspect of myself
Each act in Perfect syncronicity
They flow in and out of each other
Always on the brink of stumbling
Tumbling, tripping each other
Collapsing the whole structure
Of interdependent responsibilities
Tasks, desires, dreams, actions
Words, thoughts, emotions and relationships
One missed step, in the 3,000 things at once
Could trigger a domino effect
A massive implosion rippling into lives
From the center I breathe and watch
Observe, breathe, quiet, calm, steady
In, 2 – 3 – 4, Out, 2 – 3 – 4
The rhythm flows me to center
Reconnects me with my Self
As the Master conductor of this symphony
Notes, beats keeping time with the music
Inside, with the timing of the dance
Outside, with the beating heart following
The Intentional direction of the breath
With the focused center of the Will
There is a moment, and then another
And my breathe counts them out
And then the bar is swinging towards me
And like every woman learned to do
As a little girl skipping rope, double dutch
My arms lift up, my knees flex,
My feet lift off and I am soaring towards
The trapeze, my timing must be perfect
I can not be off by a second
There is no net beneath me
My hands connect, grasping at the bar
I am pulled in the direction of the next release
And in that moment between,
When my hands have some firmness to hold
On to, when I am briefly held up by something
More than just my own strength
As my fingers wrap around the bar
I exhale * ~ Aurora Victoria WindDancer
October 11, 2018

#poetryofig #poetry #poetrycommunity #poetryofinstagram

Feminine & Masculine Instincts

Humanity is encoded with two instinctive desires for survival – the desire for survival of the species and desire for survival of the self. We share this in common with every other Life form. These are found in the instincts of every form of Life, no matter how sentient. These desires define Life as Living. From the smallest least complex single celled being, to the most complex. You see these in the struggle for survival, in the drive to procreate, in the willingness to risk death to save another, in the chemical messages of plants warning other plants of danger. Life is only sustainable when these two desires, these drives are in balance.

What we think of as “feminine” could just as easily be understood as the instinctual desire for the survival of “others”. Whether those others are humans, animals, trees, flowers or Life in general. The maternal, the nurturing, the healing, the giving, the nourishing, the birthing, the raising, the caregiving, the drive to support the continuation of other Life.

What we think of as the “masculine” could just as easily be understood as the instinctual desire for the survival of “Self”. Whether in physical, emotional, psychological, social, economic, political or identity of the importance of sustaining the “Self-ness”.

Both are necessary. Both are vital to the continuation of Life. Both have intrinsic value.

But they Must be in Balance. When they are not in balance, Harm is the result. When they are pathologically out of balance, with one significantly dominant over the other all manner of created suffering can and Does manifest.

When the desire for survival of “Self” is dominant, the results are Greed, selfishness, oppression, exploitation, control, cruelty, and degenerative social collapse with widespread suffering of Life and loss of Life become the dominant paradigm.

When the desire for the survival of others is dominant, if taken to unhealthy extreme victimhood, martyrdom, sacrifice of self, loss of self worth, lack of self-care and devaluing of the Life that you are can lead to self harm and subjugation.

We are all made out of both desires. Our society is driven by those drives collectively through shared and expressed values, beliefs, systems, choices and actions that show the imbalance and the consequences.

Our species has for too long been pathologically unbalanced in Desire for survival of Self over desire for survival and continuation of Life. The consequences of this imbalance, the suffering caused by the desire for survival of Self regardless of the cost of suffering and the loss of the survival of others.

For our species to survive, for as much of the Life currently here to survive as possible, we humans must regain our balance between the “feminine” and “masculine”. We must come to value our individual survival, while also celebrating and Supporting the survival of the Many. Because the truth is, without the many forms of Life, all in harmony, the individual cannot survive. And what makes Humanity a unique and Beautiful form of Life is our ability to appreciate Life in all forms, and to take conscious benevolent action for the survival of others.

~ Aurora Victoria WindDancer
11/7/18 11:11 pm

My Semicolon ;

I don’t do “casual”
Life is too short
And far too beautiful
To wade ankle deep
In the Shallow end

I don’t want “meaningless”
My Soul seeks to create
Beauty and meaning
With every breath I take
Infused in trancendence

I don’t need “lukewarm”
My passions are Firey
Kundalini Rising
Up from the primal core
Of my Sacred Beingness

I don’t tolerate “empty”
My Heart deserves to be Filled
Overflowing with delight
Love pouring generously
Drenched in deliciousness

I don’t accept “maybe”
My worth demands ALL In
I know what I want
What I deserve and desire
Settling is not an option

I Choose those who choose
To create, to be Firey, to be filled
I accept nothing less
Be Courageously All In
Or get the fuck out

~ Aurora Victoria WindDancer
October 10, 2018

My 3 Year Anniversary of becoming Single. 10/10/10 was my Semicolon Anniversary. Three years ago, I “didn’t” drive off a bridge. Three years ago, I was closer than I’ve ever been to ending my life – But I Chose To Live. I called my Sestra Kathy,

and she helped me save my own life. I remembered my children and I chose to LOVE them more than ever. I remembered my community of Family and Friends and I chose to push through the grief and pain of the loss that almost ended me. I am Forever Grateful for the ones who helped me choose Life and healing.
I almost didn’t notice, the day almost went by without a thought or reflection. But then FB memories reminded me. Thanks Facebook, I’ve come a long way, and grown stronger and more self loving than I ever imagined I would be.

#Life #chosetolive #semicolonproject #survivor #healing #selflove #selfworth #mentalhealth #anniversary #poetry #poetryofig #poetrycommunity #poetryofinstagram #poet #imstillalive

A Woman Alone

A Woman Alone

Somewhere between
“I deserve better” and
“What if better doesn’t exist?”
There is a long dark field
Of lonely emptiness

Where the strong good women live
Who have not found the Love
They deserve With another
So they endure, and subsist
On their Love for themselves

Their integrity and dignity,
Their hopes and dreams
Having learned not to tolerate abuses,
Not to settle for the thousand excuses
They build their Lives alone

They create for themselves their homes
They find strength within,
In the darkest nights
When there are no arms to hold them
And no comfort from their fight

To exist in a world designed
To make Everything harder
For a woman who must survive
On her own,
In a world run by men

Where a woman alone
Is a woman unloved, unwanted,
Unworthy, without the comfort
Of a partner who cares,
Who loves, who helps

Carry the load of the work of living
Without the Joy of being Loved
Of being Chosen, they must choose
To go on, to be strong
To not give in to grief

This world is so hard
For women who are alone
For mothers who raise children
On their own, who must shoulder
Every burden and responsibility

With out the support of another
A world designed for couples
Where many hands
Make lighter the work
And the Happiness found

In sharing special moments
With someone you love,
Who loves you in return
Is a fairytale we long for
But lose hope that we will ever find

Some where between
“I deserve to be truly loved” and
“Dear God, it’s so hard to be
so Completely alone”
Is a place of heartbreaking loneliness.

I’ve been living here so long,
I’m not sure if there’s anything else.
*
*
#heartache #heartbroken #single #singlemom #loneliness #poetryofig #poetry #poetrycommunity #love #whatitsliketobealone #wordsdancingonthewind #winddancerwritings #aurorawinddancer #winddancerpoetry #auroraspoetry

The Power of Names

I was born with a different name. Given by parents who didn’t want me and didn’t love me, yet selfishly my father named me after himself. I grew up acutely aware that I was unloved. When I heard the beginning of the story of Sleeping Beauty as a little girl, that her parents named her Aurora after the dawn, because she brought light into their lives, I wished to be loved like that.

When I passed through my first initiation in my teens, I was asked to choose a new name. I chose Aurora Victoria WindDancer – “Light’s Victory”, because I knew I was loved as a source of Light by the Gods and Goddesses, and the ancestors, and the guides, and guardians and I was a wanted child of the Universe. WindDancer – because of my affinity for air and the pure joy I feel when I call the Winds to dance around me.

I changed my legal name to Aurora in my 30’s when I realized that there was no one in my life who knew that person I used to be anymore.

Taking a magickal name is a sacred act of self-actualization, and the creation of connection between one’s mortal self and one’s immortal Soul and the Divine. Most people use their spiritual names only in private, or among their closest friends in their spiritual community. And for many years this was true for me as well.  However, as my life within the Pagan/Tantric/Spiritual communities in Oregon/WA grew to become the largest part of my life, as my Community became my Family, as I trained and studied and learned and taught and served, as I became a Queen, and a Priestess – more people in my life knew me as Aurora, than as the name I was given by those biological parents so long ago.  So I made a decision to fully embrace Who I Am and to take My chosen name as my legal name, and to let the past of my painful childhood fade away with the birth name that I let go.